


Leaving

by andlucyy



Category: The Outsiders - All Media Types, The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, College, Gay, How Do I Tag, Leaving Home, M/M, i felt extreme pain writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:00:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29870916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andlucyy/pseuds/andlucyy
Summary: But it really did feel like Pony was taking all that with him, all the good things -- the long summer days and perfect silent nights, and the hopes of something better, and all the good dreams -- and just leaving Curly with an empty shell of a town he once tolerated, but only because he had someone to tolerate it with. It felt cruel of Pony to just take everything actually decent about the world away from him; and worse because Pony was someone he loved, someone he would never let go of; and impossibly even worse because it was all ultimately out of Pony’s control. It felt so unfair, like Pony was never even his to let go of in the first place.
Relationships: Ponyboy Curtis/Curly Shepard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Leaving

**Author's Note:**

> hi um enjoy and im sorry 
> 
> also this is like different sort of from the personal canon that I have sort of established in my fics so... that's fun

One and a half days. Just 36 hours remained before Ponyboy was going to leave for college, and Curly would be left in Tulsa with nothing. 

He’d had been painfully aware of the fast approaching date, right from that Saturday afternoon in some faraway July when they’d gotten together, up till now, lying on Ponyboy’s bed, wrapped up in him, savouring the tail end of their two year long summer love. The thought of Pony not being with him caused a lump form in Curly’s throat that made it hard to swallow, both literally and figuratively, and he nuzzled his head a little further into the crook of Pony’s neck to try and distract himself from it. The cool, thin chain Pony wore contrasted the warmth of his body. 

Someone knocked gently on the door, but Curly couldn’t bring himself to distance himself and Pony like he probably would any other time. Whoever was at the door could suck it up. “You packed and ready to go?” It sounded like the oldest of the Curtis brothers. 

He felt Pony nod against him, and the reality of everything began to dawn on him all over again, but this time, it felt very much more real than it ever had before. Curly was in love with Ponyboy, who was about to move away from the only home they’d ever known in less than two days. He wouldn’t see him again for two months, until Thanksgiving, and that was if he was lucky. 

Although it was a rare occurrence, Curly wasn’t shocked when tears began to well up in his eyes, and he had half a mind to try and stop them from spilling onto his cheeks and Ponyboy’s skin, at least until Darry left. 

Pony ran his thumb over his dampening cheekbone. “Curls?” 

He felt so embarrassed, crying like a baby all over Pony. This was a whole other level of vulnerability compared to what Curly had allowed himself to say around him. He wished he’d wasted less time waiting and wanting and hoping and just doing. Forget face, forget pride and ego and all of it, and do it because he loved Pony so goddamn much and now he was leaving. Now he barely had any time left to say half of it. 

Curly drew his face back from Pony’s shoulder and stared at his face. He looked so sad, brow furrowed and eyes all big and droopy. Curly wanted to make it all go away — Pony’s sadness, Pony’s departure, Pony’s good grades, which, once he thought about it, made him feel guilty for wishing that at all. Why wouldn’t someone get out of Tulsa, first chance they got, and why should he hold Pony back from doing so? Who was he to hold back smart and actually skilled and kind and considerate and beautiful Ponyboy Curtis? He was just Curly Shepard. Nothing outside of the streets, nothing outside of the trouble he caused, nothing outside of his name. Stupid little Curly Shepard, with no talent and wasted potential, the last clip in Pony’s wing.

“Are we gonna break up?” Curly asked, voice soft and shaky. He didn’t dare speak up, lest he go too far and everything fell apart and he just unraveled right there on Pony’s bed. 

Pony looked surprised at his question. “No? Why would we do that?” 

“Because you’re leaving,” Curly looked down — he couldn’t stand looking in Pony’s eyes — but forced himself to. If this was the last time, he’d never forgive himself if he didn’t. “And you’re gonna find some college boy who is actually worth something and just forget about me.” 

Curly couldn’t understand the expression on Pony’s face. It was like a mix of confusion and disgust and sadness, and he guessed he’d said something contrary to what Pony actually thought, and made him feel worse than he’d done previously. 

“Curly…” he said softly, mouth slightly agape, “do you really think I would do that to you?” 

Did he really? Was this what their relationship boiled down to? Him feeling like Pony was some sort of privilege that could drop him at any point because, what, he didn’t deserve him? He wasn’t good enough for him? 

Curly bit his lip and felt a tear slide down his face. “No, it’s just,” he paused. What was he even trying to say? “I don’t want to get hurt.”

Pony pulled him into his chest and planted a kiss on the top of Curly’s head. “I don’t know if I can promise that, but you bet your ass I’m gonna try my damn hardest to never do.” His voice was shaking, and Curly guessed that Pony had shed a few tears by that point. 

“I’m just gonna miss you when you’re gone,” Curly admitted, curving his shaking shoulders into Pony's body. “I ain’t ever loved anyone else before.” 

“Me neither, Curls, me neither…” 

He didn’t know if he’d ever felt more hopeless, not when he got caught stealing, or when no one picked up when he called for bail, or when he was thrown in juvie for the first time. Curly had never felt it quite as all-consuming, quite as heart stopping, quite as ‘every inch of me is in pain because I can’t physically do anything to stop what is about to happen’. 

He honestly didn’t know where the time had gone; it’d just slipped away through his fingers, so quickly, so easily. All those never ending memories of them together were coming to an abrupt finish. 

“Listen, even if it’s hard, we have to try to make this work, okay? We can’t just quit this now, not after everything,” Pony said seriously. 

Part of Curly knew that what he said was only a short term consolation, and that everything was going to hit him like a fucking truck (again) at an unknown point probably within the next week, but at least Pony was still here, and the least he could do for both of them was pretend he had a sliver of positivity left in him, so he nodded, almost laughed at the number of weekends he’d lose just waiting by the phone for Pony to call. 

But it really did feel like Pony was taking all that with him, all the good things -- the long summer days and perfect silent nights, and the hopes of something better, and all the good dreams -- and just leaving Curly with an empty shell of a town he once tolerated, but only because he had someone to tolerate it with. It felt cruel of Pony to just take everything actually decent about the world away from him; and even worse because Pony was someone he loved, someone he would never let go; and impossibly worse because it was all ultimately out of Pony’s control. It felt so unfair, like Pony was never even his to let go of in the first place. 

Pony placed his fingers under Curly’s chin and gently tilted his head up. God, he even looked pretty when he cried, skin all tinted red and green eyes all watery. Fuck, was he going to miss him. 

Pony slowly brought his face down to Curly’s and placed a soft, bittersweet kiss on his chapped lips. 

“I love you,” he whispered as he drew back, still close enough so that their noses grazed each other. 

“I love you too.” And he did. Curly really did love him.


End file.
